3 December 2020 Arthur C. Clarke The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
3 December 2020 Don Rickles I have no idea what I’m going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
3 December 2020 Wendy Liebman I don’t think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students – they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.
3 December 2020 Julie Walters Everyone comes up to me saying, ‘Cooee, Julie! Hello!’ as if I know them. Of course I don’t bloody know them. Am I flummoxed by it? Sometimes. I think, ‘Ooh, love, go easy.’ For a time, I did feel this pressure that I had to be funny, but it passes.
3 December 2020 Colin Mochrie We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh… We’ll do whatever it takes.
3 December 2020 Dave Barry The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
3 December 2020 Jordin Sparks It’s funny. When I saw the script in my inbox and it said ‘Sparkle,’ I thought, ‘For real? It’s really called ‘Sparkle?” I was wondering, too, how does ‘Jordin Sparks as Sparkle’ sound?
3 December 2020 Josh Billings Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
3 December 2020 Adam Carolla Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
3 December 2020 George Saunders It’s funny with fiction – once you cut something, it hasn’t happened anymore.
3 December 2020 Mindy Kaling The funniest racism is the racism between minorities. It’s something you don’t see dramatized, but almost every minority I know who’s my age, they have these funny stories about their parents stereotyping other minorities.
3 December 2020 Tippi Hedren One lion thinks it’s just hilarious to tackle us. He’s very funny about it… and we always know when it will happen.
3 December 2020 Steve Coogan The trick is always to write in pairs because if at least two people find it funny, you’ve immediately halved the odds of it not being funny.
3 December 2020 Anna Torv I’m terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they’re not funny. I end up saying, ‘Oh, no, I’m joking, I’m joking.’
3 December 2020 LeAnn Rimes The funny thing is the songs that people think are about me probably aren’t. And the songs that are probably are the ones they wouldn’t think… so that’s where it kind of is funny.
3 December 2020 Jeff Ross My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.
3 December 2020 George Carlin Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
3 December 2020 Laura Bush They’re great girls. They’re very funny, they’re very smart, they’re fun to be with. They’re very lively, as I think people can tell. And you know, they’re very confident girls.
3 December 2020 Betty White Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it’s got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can’t just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that – it’s got to be funny.
3 December 2020 Jonathan Safran Foer I’m not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I’ll be funny in real life. It’s the inevitable disappointment of meeting me.
3 December 2020 Ethan Hawke We live in a funny time. If you don’t go corporate, you can’t compete. You’re relegated as irrelevant. People used to admire that.
3 December 2020 Larry Hagman Comedy is not funny. Comedy is hard work and timing and lots and lots of rehearsals.
3 December 2020 Todd Phillips I think that ‘Hangover II’ is as funny as ‘The Hangover I,’ honest to God, but I think that it’s a little bit darker, and the stakes are a little bit higher.
3 December 2020 Kristen Stewart And I like to keep whatever is mine remaining that way. It’s a funny little game to play and it’s a slippery slope. I always say to myself I’m never going to give anything away because there’s never any point or benefit for me.
