3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley I like to try to do a little work before I do anything in the morning, even if it’s a paragraph.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley The year most of my high school friends and I got our driver’s permits, the coolest thing one could do was stand outside after school and twirl one’s car keys like a lifeguard whistle. That jingling sound meant freedom and power.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley I was diagnosed with a severe temporal spatial deficit, a learning disability that means I have zero spatial relations skills. It was official: I was a genius trapped in an idiot’s body.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley The truth is, I wrote a novel when I was 23. It’s hideously bad. Truly rotten.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley Personal technology has given us the freedom of being able to do whatever we want – and in the case of celebrities and athletes, whomever they want. But it can also serve as a humiliation jetpack.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley I hope to one day co-sign a lease with another person but, well, it doesn’t plague me that I have yet to do so. Put it this way: I’ve never had to violently tug at my own pillow at 2 A.M. to get myself to stop snoring.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley I was the youngest of my entire family so you are tap-dancing to try to get the attention of your older cousins. I really hit my social stride in 6th grade, but before that I was a pretty big dork. You learn how to be amusing and how to work for it.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you’re not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley I have a disproportionate amount of faith in the goodness of the world and that everything will actually work out okay.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley Our culture’s obsession with vintage objects has rendered us unable to separate history from nostalgia. People want heart. They want a chaser of emotion with their aesthetics.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley The hardest thing is spending twelve hours a day accommodating the rest of the world, then going home at night and criticizing it. I would be curious about what I’d write if I didn’t have to worry about offending.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley My mother is a special education teacher but also an artist, and my father an advertising executive. They are about as wacky as you can get without being alcoholics.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley I’m a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley Alaska is what happens when Willy Wonka and the witch from Hansel and Gretel elope, buy a place together upstate, renounce their sweet teeth, and turn into health fanatics.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley You can’t possibly fathom the ins and outs of a prepubescent beauty treatment until you’ve felt the strange but exhilarating tingle of a cottage-cheese-and-Pop-Rocks facial.
3 December 2020 Sloane Crosley Air travel is the safest form of travel aside from walking even then, the chances of being hit by a public bus at 30,000 feet are remarkably slim. I also have no problem with confined spaces. Or heights. What I am afraid of is speed.
