3 December 2020 Henny Youngman Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.
3 December 2020 Henny Youngman My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad but New York City?
3 December 2020 Henny Youngman Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
3 December 2020 Henny Youngman I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.
3 December 2020 Henny Youngman If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
3 December 2020 Henny Youngman This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
3 December 2020 Henny Youngman I know a man who doesn’t pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
3 December 2020 Henny Youngman When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
3 December 2020 Henny Youngman This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he’s Frank and in Chicago he’s Ernest.
3 December 2020 Henny Youngman I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.
3 December 2020 Henny Youngman Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
