3 December 2020 Fred Allen The last time I saw him he was walking down lover’s lane holding his own hand.
3 December 2020 Fred Allen We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
3 December 2020 Fred Allen I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
3 December 2020 Fred Allen The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
3 December 2020 Fred Allen My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
3 December 2020 Fred Allen I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
3 December 2020 Fred Allen Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
3 December 2020 Fred Allen An actor’s popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
3 December 2020 Fred Allen Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They’re afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
