3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ‘Checkout Time is 18 years.’
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
3 December 2020 Erma Bombeck Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.
