3 December 2020 Elayne Boosler I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.
3 December 2020 Elayne Boosler When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking.
3 December 2020 Elayne Boosler I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
3 December 2020 Elayne Boosler I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
3 December 2020 Elayne Boosler I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me.
3 December 2020 Elayne Boosler Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There’s nothing more satisfying.
3 December 2020 Elayne Boosler Wouldn’t it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?
3 December 2020 Elayne Boosler I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.
3 December 2020 Elayne Boosler The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born.
