3 December 2020 Andy Rooney The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can’t eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as ‘progress’, doesn’t spread.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don’t return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn’t want that to happen, would you.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney The Super Bowl isn’t for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney I like ice hockey, but it’s a frustrating game to watch. It’s hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort – the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing – the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
3 December 2020 Andy Rooney People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
