Quotes about humor

I can resist everything except temptation.

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Spoken by Lord Henry, the novel's charming corrupter — not Wilde's advice.

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.

Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.

Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.

In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

Fish and visitors stink in three days.

Common sense is not so common.

Brevity is the soul of wit.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading!

Said by Caroline Bingley, who is pretending to read to impress Mr Darcy. Austen is joking.

When I play with my cat, who knows if I am not a pastime to her more than she is to me?

I have made this longer than usual because I have not had time to make it shorter.

The line usually credited to Mark Twain.

We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others.

No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.

When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.

Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.

If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.

Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.